Part of a special edition series by and with writer-partners of Silicon Valley Author Ann Bridges.
By David Dubrow
The attack by Antifa terrorists on journalist Andy Ngo lit up conservative media like an inferno, but no major outlets have addressed the functional aspects of the attack, or the implications for one’s personal defense.
Pleasantly, I’m here to do that. I’ve written extensively on dealing with multiple homicidal assailants in my book The Ultimate Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse.
Hold on, you might say. What do zombies have to do with Antifa? Quite a lot, as it turns out. Antifa and zombies both attack in groups. Both Antifa and zombies are generally mindless, focused on a single goal. And both have appalling hygiene: Antifa members rarely wash, and zombies stink of rotten meat. You can use the same fighting strategies to defeat an Antifa member as you would a zombie.
The differences, however, are somewhat significant. While zombies don’t feel fear or pain, you can frighten off or injure an Antifa terrorist to make him stop attacking you. Antifa members can be stopped without the use of lethal force, unlike zombies, who can only be deanimated through decapitation or massive brain injury. A viral zombie can turn you undead with its bite, whereas the worst you’ll get from an Antifa terrorist is Hepatitis or AIDS. There are no recorded instances of a normal person having been transformed into an Antifa member by having been bitten by a smelly, entitled anarchist wannabe.
Of course, that might just be a matter of time.
Tactically, dealing with a mob of Antifa terrorists is rather easier than fighting a group of zombies because, despite the masks Antifa members wear, they’re frightened of direct physical confrontation. They’ll strike you with long-distance weapons and then back away, or throw something less-lethal, whereas a mob of zombies will swarm you simultaneously, stifling your ability to fight back. All you have to do to get an Antifa terrorist to back off is charge at him. A zombie, however, loves the proximity, because it has a better chance of biting you the closer you are.
If you ever find yourself facing an Antifa member, run at him. Get inside the swing of his weapon, whether it’s a broomhandle or a bike lock, and go to work with close-range strikes: elbows to the face, headbutts (use the top of your forehead), knees to the groin or lower abdomen, and kicks to the shin. Antifa members have glass jaws, so it should only take a few good hits before you have to move to the next one. And the next one. Don’t stop until your opponents have fled or can no longer pose a threat.
On a broader strategic basis, you should never be surprised by an Antifa mob. The only reason why you’re facing Antifa terrorists is because you choose to, like Andy Ngo. This may sound controversial, but it’s not: they advertise where they’re going to be, they’re loud, and they’re unmistakable. Nobody just finds himself surrounded by black-clad millennials. So if you’re dealing with Antifa, why don’t you have some kind of weapon on you? Would you face a horde of zombies with just the stale pack of Extra in your purse? Of course not. Start carrying a knife, a handgun, a blunt instrument, or anything else that’s legal and ready to be deployed under duress now, if you aren’t already. It’s basic self-defense.
Like it or not, it’s clear that Andy Ngo offered himself up to the Antifa mob, and suffered physical injury as a result. They shouldn’t have attacked him. That’s objectively wrong and awful. He has a right to film them in a public place, and if you make excuses for their violence, you’re someone whom the United States would be better off without. Andy should have fought back. He should have brought friends who would defend him from attack. Passivity in the face of mob violence isn’t a virtue: it’s an invitation to be attacked. He’s not Gandhi, and Antifa isn’t the British Empire.
Just treat an Antifa mob like a zombie horde, and you’ll be okay.